A broken heart!

A Broken Heart

 

I am a person who has often built my life on pleasing people!  I am often a person who would rather people see a fake front that isn’t truly me!  I would often like people to think that everything in my life is just fine and dandy, when that isn’t always the truth.  One of my good friends James started a blog a month or so ago and it its called I Said It Outloud.  (There is a link to his blog from my blog somewhere on the side bar)  In his first blog he talked about how sometimes we say things and then ask ourselves, did I say that out loud?  I can only think of a few times I have done that, so I figured what the heck I need a few more of those in my life, so I wrote this blog.  And hey you never know it may start some sort of terrible chain reaction where I just continually say what is on my mind and heart??  So the following will be my heart spilled out!!  And watch out you might get a lil messy reading it.  Sorry for the long preface but please enjoy! 

 

A broken heart is definitely what I have felt recently.  And no, it’s not from some girl breaking my heart if that’s what you were thinking, it’s a different kind of broken heart.  This past Sunday my pastor quoted the founder of World Vision and the quote goes like this.  “Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.”  And so this is something that had been pressing on my heart, even before I heard this quote on Sunday.  For the last few weeks I have found myself feeling far away from God and it has definitely been a trying time for me.  There have been days where I have ran to God for my every want and need and then there have been others where I have simply pushed God away and acted as if I could handle what was going on in my life all on my own.  Often running to the shackles of sin for comfort, what a crazy thing!   I know that many times with the way I am living it breaks the heart of God because He knows that there is a better way to live, but I am just choosing to live apart from that.  In His presence I have all that I could ever need or want, but many times I don’t see that.  So, in that my heart has been broken.  Knowing that I am not living a life that is completely glorifying my LORD my heart is now breaking.  Breaking in a good way, breaking in a way that takes me back, that reminds me of all the reasons why I follow and serve a loving, forgiving, graceful God.  But at the same time, my heart is being broken by the people I know and even sometimes by complete strangers.  This past Saturday I went to the Texas Tech football game, and afterwards went and ate supper with one of my friends from high school at a little café/bar.  I sat there eating my chips and queso and queso burger and drinking my sweet tea and my heart began to break for many of the people there because I know that what they are searching for I have found in Christ, yet they are trying to fill their lives with things that will continue to leave them feeling empty and lost and looking for something more.  How do I know this?  You may ask.  I know, because I have been there, done that, and burned the t-shirt I got.  At the same time I feel like such a hypocrite!  What is breaking my heart about these complete strangers should be breaking my heart because of my own actions.  I know without a doubt that God has something so much better so much greater than these earthly temporary things that I am running after!  His plans are so much greater than how I am living!  I was talking with a close friend yesterday and we were both sharing about some of our struggles, and how we both are well aware that God has so much for us yet for some stupid reason we continue to go back to a life that doesn’t acknowledge the greatness that is the mercy and grace of our LORD!  So what is it that drives us to live a life apart from God?  What is it that makes us be like the prodigal son of the Bible and want our inheritance so that we can live a life apart from the father, apart from all that he has for us to offer?  I wish at times I had a good answer to this question.  I wish I could apply 3 or 7 or 8 easy steps, whatever it may be, to my life and then from there have a nice and peachy life.  But the longer I have walked with God the more I know that no matter how easy those steps may sound the heart of the matter isn’t that I’m not doing the right steps!! The truth is that I don’t trust the LORD with all of my life!  You see its not that I don’t desire to have God be a part of my life (because I truly desire Him to be a huge part of my life), the sad truth is that I have learned to live without God as a part of my life.  So now that I am aware of this, as well as the few of you who read my blog I have to do something about it.  So my prayer is this, that my heart would be broken by the things that break the heart of God.  And I also pray that I would continue to remember that at times it is the actions of my life that break the heart of God.  And prayerfully I wont wake up tomorrow and repeat the words of a Shane & Shane song that go “Here we go again I forgot about You today”.  Thanks for reading!