Five Years…. part deux .....

(This is from the monthly youths newsletter. ) It seems unreal that this month is the anniversary of the 5th year of me coming here to Artesia! In some ways it seems like it has been that long but in others it seems unfathomable that I have spent the majority of my twenties here in Artesia.  If you would have ran into me 5 years ago and told me that in 5 years I would be in New Mexico and would have been there 5 years I would have told you that you were absolutely crazy!  Nothing against New Mexico, but it just wouldn't be the place where I would have imagined I would be serving in.  I had other dreams for my life that I thought were greater and that would make me happy.  Turns out  that God had better plans for my life.  This has been a common theme in my life.  In Proverbs 19 verse 21 the Word of God says this “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”  I have often had great plans in my heart about where my life is headed!  I have carefully planned weeks, months, and even years ahead to where I think my life should be and when those plans have not come to be I have often become bitter and angry at God for things not going as I had planned.  I am what some people might call a “control freak” or what should be labeled as a “self-truster”.  I am pretty sure that is not an actual word but lets go with that.  A self-truster only trusts themselves.  No one else could possibly be trusted to plan or chart the course of their lives.  They alone have a stranglehold on control of their lives.  Even though many times I have said, “God is in control!”.  I have lived a life that says “God is in control of only the things I want Him to be in control of.”   Sadly enough my future has often not been on the list of things God has control over.  Now there have been times when I, by the power of God, have taken my slimy hands off of my future. In those God empowered times I have made some of the best decisions of my life.  Decisions that have forever and are still directing my life.  This “control freak” attitude has some bad side-effects as well! It has often caused me to worry about my future and about things that I have no power to control.  I reading a book right night called “The Christian atheist” by Craig Greoschel.  Last night I read a chapter on worry and when finished reading it I felt like it had just kicked me in the teeth and brought to light how I often write off my distrust as me worrying about valid things when in reality my life is screaming my distrust of God’s plans for my life. He talked about how worry needs to be an alarm that sounds that leads us to prayer and back to trusting God.  Often when the alarm of worry sounds I treat it much like my morning alarm and I pound the top of it hitting the snooze button and delay my trusting in the Lord.  So today I am trying to be back at the place where there is no snooze button on the alarm of worry.  Where I allow the times when I worry about things to lead me to trusting in God and in His plans for my life.  Now is the time when I let go of control of things I cannot control and focus my energies on doing what God has called me to and leave the rest to Him. (that is another suggestion given in the book).  So here’s to trusting God with what He does best!!

I’m letting go,

sg

What a difference a day makes...

What a difference a day makes.  You know in our lives we can be walking through a week, or maybe even a month or even a longer season than that and then we come to a day and that day makes a difference and sometimes those days change the course or our paths in life.  Today is an anniversary of one of those days for me and even today has been a refreshing breath of air to me in the season I am in right now.  To start things off, today is an anniversary for me! Today, October 24 is the 5 year anniversary for two things in my life.  First, 5 years ago today I got a call from a Pastor in Artesia, New Mexico telling me that his church was offering me the youth pastor position at their church! (Which I did accept!) and two, today is my 5 year anniversary of being clean of alcohol.  What a difference a day makes!  In that one day 5 years ago God in His abundant love and grace pointed me in a better direction.  It wasn't the direction I had planned but it has been sooo much greater than where my life was headed.  It was just a normal day not much different than other days, but it changed the direction of my life.  At first I had a hard time seeing what exactly it was God was doing and I didn't quite understand all of it but I knew deep down that where He was leading me was right where He desired for me to be. Like I said it was just a day, a day I stepped out and gave God control of my life in ways that I had not before done.  Doing that has forever changed my life.  So I come to today another day that is much like yesterday and the day before that.  But, is today one of those days? You know we never come to a day knowing that on that day our lives will be forever changed but often that is exactly what God has planned for us!  As I look back on my life to this point I see where and what God has delivered me from.  I see myself 5 years ago and see just how scared and unsure of what was ahead of me in life.  But I see how despite the fear and uncertainty I trusted God with my life.  So what does this mean for me today?  One today is a sweet day for me, a day of sweet remembrance for me and a day that I will and must always remember!  In my remembering though, I also must remember that God is not finished with me yet.  That the changes made 5 years ago were a change in direction that needed to happen then but as I move forward from here there are still more changes to be made.  On a daily basis I should be looking to God direct me in the changes that need to be made.  I must always remember that at times in life God will again lead me to places that were very similar to what I felt 5 years ago.  A feeling of uncertainty of where God is leading me. But I must remember that God is faithful and worthy to be trusted with my future.  Today might not have been a day that was as pivotal as this day 5 years ago but today has the potential.  I must continue to look towards God for my direction and must continue to know that God is completely worthy of being trusted.  (I think thats about all I have to say.. I think this might be a lil repetitive at times but hopefully it gets my point across.  And the point is this.  I am incredibly grateful for the amazing grace that God has showed me in my life and at the same time I need to continually stay aware of God's movement in my life and be attentive to his moving and his directing of my life.) So yeah... here is too a day that has made a difference!  Will tomorrow be one of those days?  God knows, and I know God and know that in trusting Him the uncertainty and fear of facing what is in the future will slowly fade.

what a difference a day made...
sg

A quick shoot with Phlint

Did a quick photo shoot before the 5th Quarter Concert.. here are some of the shots! Enjoy!!

Phlint

 Phlint

 Another full group shot.

 Phil

 Jarrod

 Seth

Brent

The last 2 days in Honduras

Wow! I cannot believe that I am now already back in the States. I feel like the trip flew by way too fast!!  Well the last day and a half in Honduras were great! Our day Friday started off nice and early at about 5:40am, which is when the boys day starts.  It was really the only day that I actually got up with the bell that rings to tell the boys to get up and head to breakfast.  After getting my bag all packed and ready to go I headed down to hang out on the front porch of the conference center so that i could tell all of the boys good bye as they were heading to class.  It was sad having to leave so soon.  We left the farm about 7:30 and headed towards the Maunuelito Project (I probably mispelled that) which is in Talanga that takes kids off the streets of Tegucigalpa and transitions them into living in houses and starts them on a path of education.  We got there and took a quick tour of the school and then headed off to the Valley of the Angels (which is a Tourist City, even said it on the sign entering the town). We had lunch there and then did some souvenir shopping. (I bought a hammock which I am pretty stoked about!!) After shopping until we dropped we headed on in to Tegucigalpa to the Guest House at the World Gospel Mission offices there in Teguc.  We got all settled in and then went off to dinner at Asado El Gordo where we proceeded to eat way too much food!!  Went back to the guest house and had a final little debriefing and devo time and then got ready for bed.  Saturday morning started off nice and early as I woke up at about 5:40am and couldn't get back to sleep so I got up and got ready.  We had some amazing cinnamon rolls and then headed off the the air port.  The rest of the day was pretty uneventful which is always a good thing when you are traveling internationally! We arrived back in the States at about 4pm Central Time and back to Midland about 10:30 and back here in Artesia about 1:30am this morning. Although this is the freshest trip on my mind at the time I do really feel that this was one of the best if not the best mission trip I have been on.  God's presence was so undeniably present and His voice was clearer to me than it has been in a while!  It is amazing how God shows up in ways in your life that you never expect!  My friend Brent sent me a text about 2 weeks ago telling me that as he was praying for me that he really felt that God was starting to work in a new way in my life and he was right, because God is definitely more actively working in my life right now! It is so cool and so inspiring to know that when we live according to God's will and purpose for our lives how He provides all that we need to live!!  I am pretty physically tired right now, but emotionally and spiritually I feel so rejuvenated and ready for God to continue the work He has started in my life!!  Praise be to THE ONE TRUE GOD!!
Standing Amazed at my Savior
sg

The Final Day Here at El Sembrador

Well today has been the last full day here at El Sembrador.  This makes me kinda sad :-(.  Today has been another full day!! We finished up what we could on the boys dorm this morning and then had some time to talk and visit with some of the boys before lunch which is always fun! I am enjoying trying to talk with them in Spanish and vice a versa. The conversations are slow, but they are definitely fun!! I feel that I am picking up more and more of it.. too bad I have to leave tomorrow. I guess I will have to practice more when I get back home to the States.  We had lunch and after that we headed over to El Carbon a community that is right across the reservoir.  There we were able to interact with some of the children there as well as a few adults.  We sang songs in Spanish and also played games! I didn't get any video but I did get pictures as well as recorded the singing!  It is such a blessing seeing the joy in the faces of the people here!! Oh yeah, I almost forgot!!  I got to impersonate a monkey for the kids (and adults) 3 times because they were trying to guess and Sherry (one of the Missionaries here)also needed a picture of it.. good news though, I did not break any toes!!  After El Carbon we walked back over to the school and then got ready and headed to Catacamas where we walked up to the Cross there and then went to a store there in town to get a few things for a couple of the boys that we took with us into town.  On the way back here to the school I sat next to David (Daveed) and we talked about our families and lives he is a little bit older than some of the boys here but he is trying to finish up his studies for high school to move on.  It was fun trying to talk with him! (Thankfully Sherry was sitting in the seat in front of us so that if either of didn't know how to say a word we would ask her, as well as refer to the book I bought in Houston.)  After getting back from town they had the conference center set up for dinner where they had prepared steak for us and a few of the boys served us supper.  I felt so completely humbled by their hospitality and was blown away by the love showed to us by them.  I ate way too much at supper but it was quite amazing! We did a little bit of shopping here at the little store here in the conference center and settled up our snack bar bills.  Then after dinner we played some more futbolito!!!!  I know that I will be incredibly sore tomorrorw but we had a great time playing with and interacting with the boys again playing futbol!!  After that Jerry and Sherry Murphy the Missionaries here shared with us their story of how the came to be here at El Sembrador!  It once again was inspiring!!  I am sad to know that we are leaving tomorrow and am looking forward to the day when I will get to come back here!! It is bittersweet for sure.  I dont think I will be able to blog tomorrow night, but will finish up blogging about my adventures here in Honduras as soon as I can.  This has been a great experience for me and truly cannot wait till I get the chance to come back! God has shown me so much!! I came here tired and worn out physically, mentally, and emotionally and was honestly not super excited about having to be gone for another week.  But God has been more than faithful and has been at every turn and with me giving me rest and energy and refreshing and rejuvenating my heart and spirit. I might be physically tired when I get back to the states but I do know that God in His infinite power can take care of that! I know also that God has refreshed my spirit and given me a greater desire to run hard after him! 
Gracias a Dios (Thanks be to God)
sg

Day 5 I think????

I think today is day numero five here in Honduras!  It has been one amazing day!!  It has been a day full of all sorts of blessings and God showing Himself to us as a group through the people here in Honduras!!  Today was the first day we had no rain delays during our work day which allowed us to get a great amount of work done!!  The tiredness has now gone and I am feeling rested and rejuvenated each morning (well after 2 cups of coffee each morning!!). During work as well as in our breaks we are getting to interact with some of the boys which is always fun! I am slowly picking up some Spanish and able to communicate on a very limited level with the boys but it is a great joy! I can truly say that I am falling in love with this country and the people of Honduras and the people here at the Escuela El Sembrador!!  At the end of work today Tory and Meg started playing with a few little girls who are children of some of the people who work here at the school.  They didn't know any English and Meg and Tory have very limited Spanish but they played with them for a good hour to hour and a half! It was great to see them interact with them! The girls even came to church tonight with us and it was great to see the little girls look at Tory and Meg and Kacy (one of the girls from West Virginia) with much adoration and joy! The joy of a child is so contagious!! Tonight during church they let us lead the singing for the night!! We picked some songs that the director Christian helped us pick that he knew in both Spanish and English so we were able to sing the verses in English and the Christian would lead them in Spanish!! It was such an amazing time of Worship!! It has been so great getting to Worship my Lord and Savior in so many different ways as I have traveled this summer!! Christian the director also spoke tonight and had another guy named Mark translate for us so that we could hear what he had to say as well! What he said hit me deep and was more confirmation on what God has already been speaking into my heart!  The night ended with us getting to play Futbalito with the boys!!! It was great fun although I am pretty sure I wont be able to get out of bed in the morning...  It was so much fun and although we didnt really score that much we had a blast interacting with the boys in their niche!!  Today has definitely been the highlight of this trip and possibly my summer!! God is so amazing and I just cant wait to see what else He has in store for the rest of this trip as well as the rest of this year!!  Continue to pray for El Sembrador and the boys here.  Tomorrow looks to be a great day as well and I will tell you all about that tomorrow night!!  Blessings to you all!!
Still in awe of my Amazing Savior!
sg

Dia 4

Wow! I cant believe the 4th day has come and gone already! The week is flying by way too fast! I really wish I could stay longer!!  Today was another rainy day here in Honduras! We truly hit the rainy season this year! We did get quite a bit done despite numerous rain delays today on the dorm we are painting.  The work day started off with some nice sunshine which caused us all to sweet more than any person should!! Haha! My shirt was definitely soaked and I was pretty ripe by lunch!  This afternoon started off with a lil sunshine, but then we started to hear a little bit of thunder and before long there was a nice torential down pour for a good 20 minutes or more!! In the midst of this rain Jake and I decided to go and jump the road that had turned into a river, which was fun and then Jeffrey joined in too.. then we decided that it would be more fun to go run a lil bit more through the rain and then we proceeded to slip and slide through some grass, this was great fun but I soon realized that it was just 2pm and the sun would probably come back out and we would still have 2 hours of work to do in sopping wet clothes, this made me think that it was not so much of a good idea, but... it was pretty much too late by then.  We finished up work for the afternoon with some more sunshine and then had a wonderful supper!! (they feed us good down here!!)  Tonight we were blessed to hear the stories of a guy named Jeremy who is a volunteer down here as well as a family, but I cannot remmeber their names... Anyhow, both of their stories were very inspiring stories, stories of people taking seriosly the Word of God in their lives!!  I cannot express how good of a time we are having down here in Honduras!! The team has been so great to work hard as well as connect with the boys here!  We have also gotten to work with a group from West Virginia and are building relationships with all of them as well which is also great!  We also got to sing a little bit more tonight with some of the guys here at the school as we are practicing to help them lead a few songs tomorrow night for their Wednesday night Church service!!  I am really excited about the connection I know that God will allow us to have in worshiping with them tomorrow night!! Continue to pray for us and willing attitudes to serve and listen to the voice of God as He reveals Himself to us through the people we are encountering this week! Praise be to Lord who has blessed us with this amazing opportunity!!

in awe of the one who gave it all,
sg

dia numera tres

Well this is about day three but we are going to rewind for a lil bit and talk about last night after my blog.  So last night on the way up to my room for bed there were a few boys hanging outside of the main meeting room and Katelyn was sitting with them and playing some guitar.  As I walked by I sat down to join them and just listen.  Soon after sitting down Katelyn handed me the guitar and we started singing some songs and a few we sang they knew in Spanish and so they were teaching us how to sing them and we even sang 2 different songs together with the boys that they knew in English! It was such an amazing time of fellowship! It was a time that I felt that we were really able to connect with the boys and bridge a gap! Something I didn't feel that we were able to do last year. so that was super exciting for us all!! Now to today! It is Monday and well it has rained off and on all day long! (It is raining as I type this in front of a screen window listening to the rain!! Ahh, I love it!! Its fantastic!!)We were able to do some cleaning and scraping on the boys dorm we are painting! We did have to take a few breaks a few times as it was raining but we feel that we were able to get a good amount of work accomplished! Tonight after supper they shared with us about the sponsorship program and they had 2 of the boys here share their stories with us.  It was a very moving time and both of their stories touched my heart very deeply! It is sad to see the pain and suffering that many of these boys have been through, but at the same time it is so amazing to see the hope that is in their smiles and on their faces!! They truly know that the Lord is in control and that He is directing their paths! (Something that I often struggle with).  So their stories and their hope inspires me and encourages me! So going into day 4 I am tired but am hoping for a great night of rest but I am inspired to run even harder after my Lord and Savior!! 
running hard after my Lord!
sg

ps.. if you are interested in learning more about El Sembrador or the sponsorship program here at the school please visit the link below!!
El Sembrador

Day 1 and 2 in Honduras

Hello from Honduras!  We are in the afternoon of day 2 in Honduras.  We arrived here at the El Sembrador last night at about 6pm.  Both of our flights yesterday were smooth and we made all of our connections and arrived in Honduras right on time about 11:25am yesterday morning.  Once we left the airport we all got a healthy dose of Tegucigalpa traffic! It took us an hour or so to go what should have taken about 15 minutes.  This afternoon we are all just resting and visiting some with the team from West Virginia that is here with us.  Most of us are a little bit tired since we didn't get much rest on Friday night, but we all slept well and long last night.  The weather is humid as we expected but not too bad.  This morning we attended the Worship service here at the farm school which was full of joy and excitement! It is so cool to get to worship with the Body of Christ in a different country and language! God really spoke to me about how I often am so used to the routine of church back home that I go in just going to receive and not be active participant in what is going on.  Here I am forced to seek, since there is that language barrier.  Anyhow, it has been a learning experience and God is speaking to me and teaching me as I am getting a peak into what He is doing here in Honduras!  Continue to pray for rest for the team as well as the energy and joy we need to share the love of Christ with everyone that we meet!! 

Blessings,
sg

Change

This is what I included on the Scott's Thoughts portion of the FUMC Artesia youth newsletter for the month of May.  Hope you enjoy!  My thoughts this month are centered on change.  Here at FUMC Artesia we are preparing for some major changes over the next couple of months and so the idea of change has been on my.  People all have different ideas about change!  Some people thrive on change, loving the new challenges and experiences that change brings in their lives.  Some people are happy to go with the flow of life and when change does happen they are good with it; and when nothing happens they are good with that too.  Still there are others who no matter what form change is in they are opposed to it, they like things the way they are and change just messes all of that up.   To be perfectly honest; I am not always the biggest fan of change.  I usually try to do everything in my power to avoid change.  Often in my attempts to try and avoid change my obedience to God has taken a back seat to what I think should happen.  In the last few months I have had to take a hard look at my attitude towards the changes in my life that haven’t been my idea.  This week God pressed this question on my heart, “Why are you only ok with change when you are the one who thought of it?”  It is a hard question to answer, but I have found the answer to be a fairly simple answer.  The answer is simply that I am a selfish and self centered person who desires complete control of all aspects of my life!  When I see change on the horizon that I have no control over, whether it is good or bad, my first and strongest reaction is to resist the change!  On the other hand when the change is my idea; I want everyone around me to be excited about it and jump on board with the change.  How selfish of me to always want my way!  How arrogant of me to think that it is only my ideas that are of value!  How foolish of me to think that God does not inspire others to be vessels of change for His Kingdom!  So, what do we do when change that is not our idea and we have no control over comes a knocking?  It is pretty evident that resistance to it is futile and running from it only delays our dealing with it.  We must face the changes in our lives knowing that God is a God we can trust our futures to.  We have to understand that things don’t always have to work just how we think they should.  We have to be willing to lay down the agendas of our lives and accept the fact that there is a God who is working out all things for the good of those who love Him!  So as we each approach change in our lives let us approach it anchored to Christ and the hope that He brings!

Anchored in Christ,

sg

Phlint

A week ago Sunday I did my first ever photo shoot!! I was pretty excited about it!  Starting out I was pretty nervous and didnt really know what the crap I was doing...not much had changed by the end but I felt like we got a few good pictures! The pictures were for my good friends Brent and Phillip Hall's band named Phlint.  Im always up for critiquing so you photographers out there please let me know whatcha think!  (after uploading the pics I didnt realize that I had gotten my shadow in a few of the pictures, but oh well.. lesson learned!) 

Phlint

 Another one of the band

 some sepia tone!

 samore sepia!

 Jordan..

 Jarrod

 Brent

 Phillip

So there they are.. let me know whatcha think.

sg

Do We Take Sin Seriously??

I started a reading plan back in January where I will be reading the whole bible Old and New Testaments together over a year period.  I have gone through the books of Genesis and Exodus and am currently reading in the Gospel of Matthew and Leviticus.  One thing that has been so evident to me especially in the reading of the Old Testament (OT) books, and what will be clear when I get to Christ's crucifixion, is that sacrifice that atones for our sin is extremely messy!  With this, a question has surfaced in my heart.  It's not a new question, it's not a ground breaking question, it's an old question that I pray is life shaking.  Do we take our sin seriously?  In the OT the price/cost of sin was very close to the hearts and minds of the people and on top of that it was very messy process of atoning for their sin.  The price/cost was the life of one of their choice animals usually a goat, a lamb, or a bull.  This was no easy price to pay.  This was their livelihood it was a great price to pay for them.  Not only that, but it was crazy messy!  I don't know if any of you have watched the slaughter of any animal but saying that it is messy might possibly be an understatement.  During OT times the sacrifice of these animals took place in a very public place in view of the people.  It was a reminder of the cost and price of sin as well as just how messy things can become when sin reigns in our lives.  Later in the New Testament when Christ was sent to be the one time sacrifice for all times the requirements for sacrifice were forever met and satisfied.  I am forever grateful for His sacrifice and in my recent reading I am reminded of what it truly cost for my salvation and atonement!  It was the life of the Lamb of God it was the blood of a Choice Lamb!  A spotless Lamb, one without blemish!  But as soon as I say that, I find myself wondering if I truly take the sin of my life seriously?  Is the reality of the cost of my sin close enough to my life and heart where I am fully aware of it?  Do I see the messiness of what my sin has caused?  Do I realize that it truly was my sin that nailed my Savior to the cross?  Do I stand in the presence of my Lord in complete humility knowing that is only by His Grace that I have been saved.  Do I admit my sin and guilt before God or do I live a life as if God owed my salvation to me?  One of my favorite verses is Psalm 139:23-24 it says "Search me God and know my heart.  Test me and know my thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you God, and lead me on the path of everlasting life."  Is this the prayer of my life??  Is this the prayer of our lives?  Are we taking our sin seriously?  If our answer to these questions is no, I think we need to spend some time at the foot of the cross realizing the high cost of our sin and the great True Love that was poured out over us there.

crying out at the foot of the cross cause I know it is my sin that put Christ there,
sg

Some Pictures from Ignite

Here are some pictures from Ignite Student Conference 2010 in Lubbock, Texas.  The pictures are of The Afters and The Justin Coefield Band. (Thanks Penny for letting me borrow a couple of your lenses for this pictures!)

Lead singer of the afters.

 I just happened to be at the right place at the right time, probably one of my most favorite pics i have taken! Complete accident!

 love the spotlight coming across the picture!

 A pretty cool moment!!

I haven't posted pictures in a while.. Part of it is because the last few months have been crazy busy so my picture editing came to a stand still.  The sudden urge to edit some came from shooting the pictures last weekend and then also getting the Beta version of Adobe Lightroom, which I am learning and enjoying!! 
Blessings.
sg

New Life Resolution

Every year at this time I am sure we all get the same question about a million times! “So, what is your New Year’s Resolution?” Why do we feel the need to make New Year’s Resolution? What drives us to try and make a change for our lives for the better at the start of each year? Maybe because each of us when we look at our lives we can look and see a thing or two that could definitely use improvement or maybe there are certain areas that we aren’t confident in and if we made a few changes we would have more confidence? I have never really gotten into the whole New Years resolution thing and I’m not really sure why. It definitely isn’t because I have it all together or feel that nothing in my life could use improvement, I just have never really gotten into them. I have nothing against them at all and think they are a good way to make short term improvements in the way we live our lives. My question to us all, is what good is change if it is only intended to be for a short time? If I plan to resolve to work out more for the next year, what happens next year or next month when that resolve goes away? If I plan to eat healthier or avoid certain foods, what happens when I start back eating unhealthy foods and start indulging in those foods I was avoiding? What happens when I resolve to set time aside for God in my daily life, but then after a while I slowly move away from God and stop giving of my time to him? In any of these situations when I choose to change something for a short time I am left again needing to change that very same thing again in a short time. So how about this idea? (and I am sure I am not breaking any new ground) Why don’t we change our New Years resolutions into New Life resolutions? Isn’t that what Christ is calling us to when He calls us to follow Him? When Christ called His disciples He didn’t say come follow me and if you want to you can continue living the way you live. Is Christ not calling us to set aside the things and ways we used to live for a new life?? In the book of 2 Corinthians chapter 5 the apostle Paul says it like this in verse 17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”. Or as in one of my new favorite songs by Shane & Shane called Everything Is Different the last line of the chorus goes like this “This revelation makes me wanna shout, that Jesus has been sent, and everything is different!”. The old has gone and the new has come! Jesus has been sent and EVERYTHING is different! These are absolute statements!! So I challenge us all to resolve to make New Life resolutions. Because a Savior came and died for us. He took away our old sinful selves and has made us a new creation in Him! He has been sent and because of that everything in our lives should be different!!
desiring for things to be different
sg